Thinking ahead

So, with about, oh, approximately 9.75 days left til thesis deadline, I have started thinking about silly little things like acknowledgments, dedications, etc. (instead of thinking about other silly little things like introductions, conclusions, etc.)

And then I remembered that little line in the acknowledgments on my Reed thesis:

"To Frida and Lou."

One of my esteemed readers will perhaps recognize the names, and also the state of mind that may have possessed a cracked-out, unslept, unslept-with undergrad to dedicate her thesis to this mysterious pair.

It just made me laugh. I still don't know who to dedicate the new one to...

ps. stolen prom photos

I just love this one of me and meg, with the random gaggle of giggling girls in the background. Note the elks head. Also, below, jed won "prom queen," which made me soooo proud.

Homewrecker? A troubling trend.

so, I am quite hungover. Taking this moment to reflect on my recent licentious behavior at parties, which

a) is highly enjoyable in the drunken moment
b) is not the kind of stupid-drunk where I do things that my sober self would get angry about
c) still leads to unintended or unpleasant consequences, because other people might not be following rule b.

OK, so it maybe did start with a bad decision, which was to allow myself to make out with somebody (we will call him A... Anthony) that I have been flirting with for a long long time, but who has a (long distance) girlfriend. I had refused him on these highly legitimate grounds previously, but last week just went ahead anyways, and had rather stupidly decided to do so even before getting drunk.

This was done, at least one of the times, in the (warning! kinky/censored!) company/with the participation of another person (hereafter referred to as B, or Ben), who I do not know all that well but who I have always thought was hot. See a) above. I did not actually kiss person the second, Ben, but... well, he was definitely involved.

Then last night was the most fabulous tacky prom, and I got all done up big-haired and day-glo-dress'd and pink eye shadowed, and danced in fancy heels with mismatched socks til my feet nearly fell off. It was great fun. I had set my resolve to get things back to non-making out status with the long-time troublemaker Anthony, and succeeded despite his attempts otherwise. Which, incidentally, felt fabulous later in the evening when his girlfriend suddenly showed up. Dumbass.

The evening was punctuated at regular intervals with escalating flirtation with Ben, who confused me by talking all hot, not making out with me, and referring to me repeatedly as dangerous. Until, of course, at the end of the evening it came out that he too has, somewhere in the ether, some kind of relationship with some kind of person (given a variety of factors, I hesitate to assume girlfriend. Also part of the hotness for queer-lovin me.)

So, here I had been, practically throwing myself at somebody in a relationship, right after cutting off somebody else because he's in a relationship. We did end up kissing, but only very briefly, and then I left. Dangerous, indeed.

So now my question is, how in the hell am I supposed to get some in this environment, where the vast majority (so I have heard from other frustrated ladies) of boys in my school have girlfriends floating out far away in the world, where the girl options are severely limited - including by my continued resistance to anything resembling a relationship, where I am opposed to getting myself into stupid situations that could fuck with other people's feelings, and where I don't really know most people well enough to know who should or should not be flirting with me.

I don't much like the current trail of destruction that I seem to be generating, but I also don't particularly want to give up hope for hotness. Advice, if y'all have any, would be much appreciated.